Sunday, April 29, 2012

Left Brain ~ ~ ~ Right Brain
Light ~ ~ ~ Dark
Day ~ ~ ~  Night
Masculine ~ ~ ~ Feminine
Yin ~ ~ ~ Yang

It is only in the balance that opposites work. One will never rule or destroy the other. It is this fighting for dominance within myself that has caused myself & others close to me so much grief in this life. 

I was born into a male body but with a tremendous amount of feeling & emotions. Astrologically I am a triple water sign and a Type Four Personality of the Enneagram nine personality types. The proverbial deck was stacked against me from the beginning!

I was born in 1952, a time when men were men and women were women. Period! My dad was also a drill Sargent when he was in the military and I think he regretted leaving that career.  However, that experience didn't go to waste as a family man. His booming voice could stop all five of us kids cold in our tracks. Even at his wake neighbors who were kids  when I was spoke of remembering how powerful his voice and presence was. 

No need to go into sharing my childhood other than to say that being a sensitive male was an issue in my home. Intellectually I understand that my dad's ways had more to do with the world he grew up in, however, the affect on me has been tangible. I'm getting ready to enter my sixth decade of life and still struggling with the consequences of having a major aspect of who I am denied and even attempts to banish any feminine aspects in me.

It's only recently that I have been starting to get a better understanding of this inner struggle between my masculine & feminine energies. Today I was contemplating this and realized that what is needed is to make peace between this two aspects of who I am. I "know" that both aspects are necessary to being fully human, but the ego is having a tough time with this.

A few years back I had an inspiration to write a book entitled, "The Wisdom of Men Following the Guidance of Women." I gave it a lot of thought but never got into the work of writing it. However, I believe that there is deep truth in this title. I have learned that there have been a number of native traditions where women held the power of decision making and the men carried them out. It was a balance between the two and not one dominating the other. The Iroquois, who influence the drafting of The US Constitution, was a society were the women held the power of decision and guidance of the tribes.

So now it seems like it's time for me to bring there intellectual ideals down into my body, my feelings, my psyche and learn how to live them, to make peace within my own being. If there is all I accomplish for the remainder of my time here, well that would be way friggin' cool!              

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